It's here!

Last Tuesday we went to Ben Bridge jewelries and ordered a crochet hook charm and today we went to pick it up it is so cute! I think its something like 1 mm in size. When I found out I was going to have a daughter I knew that I needed something to remind me daily that I am going to overcome this because I am Zoraida, not Irene. So I decide to make something for myself that I had always wanted. A charm necklace. So far I have 5 charms. My birthstone, Topaz. The year 2003. The year I graduated high school and married Dani, basically, the year I started living. A movable teddy bear, because I love them, who doesn't love to cuddle with a teddy bear? A graduation cap, because I will get my degree first in arts and then in psychology. And now, my crochet hook, because its therapeutic, and through crochet I realized that I am creative and that I can and that I am and my craft is worth spending $6 or $7 a skein.
Next will be a chocolate or a chocolate bar actually, I'd love to find a kiss! I am a chocaholic and will never reform but do readily admit to not being able to survive without chocolate.
Last night I was holding Iva and kissing her and telling her how much I love her. We were smiling at each other when ... it occurred to me that mi mama never kissed me or held me or even loved me with so much honest and sincere love. That got me depressed and crying. She just gave birth to me because that way she could be sure that she'd always have someone to watch over her and be with her ... which means to put up with her. Una buena hija is NEVER disrespectful of her mama or her papa. She spent my whole life telling me that I was sick and that she was the only person who would be by my side and I believed her and then after so much of her repeating it daily, I believed her. Now, a neurologist, who I told to diagnose me only by what the tests say and not what my medical history says thinks its Cerebral Palsy. And my OB/GYN was the one that told me that my mom suffers from Mauchasen by Proxy. Funny thing no on has figured it out. She is 62 years old and no one believes that she is mentally ill, mostly because they can't put up with her long enough to have a decent conversation with her.
Anyway, enough about the past. I have my beautiful angels and that is what matters.