Late Night/ Early Morning?

So, Iva is fast asleep, so is Dani and Daniel. Its 2 a.m. and I can't sleep... I am exhauste, but I can't sleep. I don't really want to crochet, or be on line. I don't want to watch TV either, but I can't sleep. I do want to read, but I don't know what to read... this is one of those moments where I want to gobble up a book...that is not good because I don't take time wiht my family. I don't want to go back into my little box. I love coloring with my son. I love talking with my daughter and I love spending quality time wiht my husband. I don't want to leave them. So I am trying to fight this. We went to two parties today and one yesterday... 25th anniversary, baby shower and 2 yr birthday party. I think all the forced socializing and the trying to stay isolated on my part is what is pushing me to leave the "real world". I know that Daniel and Iva NEED to socialize, but being around so many people, ...noisy... gossiping... seeing how easily they interact and knowing how hard it is for me ... well, it depresses me. I know I've come a long way, I don't have a panic attack at the thougt of another party. I don't even have to control my anxiety anymore, I just don't feel comfortable. At least today I talked wiht more people. Not like yesterday. I just let Daniel play where I can see him and I let Iva get passed around if I feel that the people there are trustworthy. I know that the discomfort is in me. If I don't trust the people I find a way to leave.
Dani picked up on it. He said he's sorry for putting me through this. I told him I love him and its not his fault and plus, its not so hard anymore. Just please give me time.
I remember, it used to be so painful to watch him talk and socialize and laugh so freely, but now, I just laugh at how often he uses those awful jokes! Everytime he gets a laugh... sometimes though, he laughs first and somethimes, he laughs the hardest. I always come up with jokes, just not the nerve to say them. Or I get all tounge tied. Or I don't make myself understood. But somehow, I make it through each and every party. It is taking time and I am afraid that in this area, time is running out. We both feel it. We all know it.
On another note, I am about one skein away from finishing a baby blaket I was suppose to have finished for yesterday, but since we weren't able to make it to that party ( a baptism) I was off the hook (joke) anyway, I worked on the card a little today, I'll finish it all later so we can drop it all off on Wed.
Otherwise, I have on my hook, a skirt, a bag, another bag, a scarf, a poncho, a blazer, a blanket for Iva, and am planning way more than even I can remeber. For now I really need to finish one bag, the blazer, the baby blanket and the skirt... not in that order. Today or at least, later today will give me some time to see what will get accomplished ...or not. It really doesn't matter. Time is in Another's hands.