I have been trying to install a 2.0 USB card in my computer, but I have
been unable to install the drivers. I bought the first one from Circuit City
and the second one from Best Buy, and they both have the same software.
So, this evening I will be returning the second one I bought and have run out of options as to where to get one that will work. Such frustration! I can't upload my pics if I don't have the 2.0.
And on another note, I saw my uncle today. I haven't seen him in about a
year, he lives in Springfield. Sadly, I was disappointed to see him. First of all, most of the time we talked about my kids and then it was that uncomfortable dead silence. He told me to forgive her and to remember that I only have one mother, and to aspire to be like God-forgiving. I told him that I would not forgive-I don't believe in that and that honestly, I don't want to be like God-that ambition got Lucifer into a lot of trouble. And it was then, that moment that I realized that I was born into a world that didn't care about me. No one would have saved me, simply because no one cared, I had always thought that IF I had had the courage to tell him the truth he would have saved me, but he told me today that mi mama es mi mama. And it hurts, it hurts so much that my Daniel has felt my heart break and is at this moment sitting in my lap with his arms around my neck and his head in the way. Now, 22 years after my birth there are people that care about me. But 22 years too late, they can't fix my liver,stomach, or kidney that have been almost shot by all the drugs she got the doctors to prescibe even though they knew that the tests alwas said I was healthy. Not the nurses that would give them to me while I was in school, and not the enormous church community I spent 6 years growing up in. No one cared, because they didn't want to confront her. Even my family just sat by and watched. My own father washed his hands. If mi mama was going to claim me as a dependent on her income taxes, then she could do what she wanted with me. And she did. And no one wants to listen. And I don't care. I won't keep the truth within me anymore! I will finish what I have started, I will speak. And I will get better without them and I will be everything they never thought I would be. I will accomplish all my dreams, afterall, I already jumped the biggest
hurdle, learning to dream.
1 comment:
Hey there girl, I read your post yesterday and thought, I need to think about this and pray about this before I send you a comment. You have some very powerful emotions moving through you right now. I know you are hurt, I know it's hard to forgive, and I'm not saying you should forgive your mom right now, but I am telling you that by holding that hate inside you, it will eat you alive. It is far better to forgive and let go. Please do not think I am judging you, I am not, because I have been in that place of unforgiveness too. It takes time.
I think that your family and church stood by and watched what was happening in horror. Sometimes, when we see something so wrong and unjust...you just freeze, you want to help, but you are scared, powerless. Could it be that your family did nothing, said nothing out of fear of your mother? I cannot say, whether their actions are justifiable or not, God is their judge.
I prayed for you today, and God put this Psalm into my head right away.
Psalm 43:
Declare me innocent, O God! Defend me against these ungodly people. Rescue me from these unjust liars.
For you are God, my only safe haven. Why have you tossed me aside? Why must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies? Send out your light and your truth, let them guide me. Let them lead me to your holy mountain, to the place where you live. There I will go to the altar of God, to God-the source of all my joy. I will praise you with my harp, O God, my God!
Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again-my savior and my God.
Zoraida, I do know that you are working so hard to overcome this and I am so proud of you. Please reach out to the those around you that DO care, you cannot walk this road alone. I cannot tell you enough how much God loves you and wants to lead you away from this hurt, you will find more peace and love in Him than you have ever known. Trust in him.
I hope that today your heartache is not so deep. You are in my prayers, Tracey
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